It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
