I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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