Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I checked into jail on foursquare
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
