I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
