we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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