Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
