I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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