ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
