dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
