dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
