I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
