ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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