You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
