i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
