GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
