I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Dear god my vagina.
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