you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
