ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
