so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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