I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
