Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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