I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
