Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
