I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
