We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
