I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
