i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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