And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
