Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
