I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
