Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
