Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
