John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
