My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
