My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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