I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
