I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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