Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
