She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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