My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
