I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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