Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
