Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
