I puked a lego.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
