I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
