Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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