remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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