I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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