how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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