I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
