I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
