i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Terrible idea I love it
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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