better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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