I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
