All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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