Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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