U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
