A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
