you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
