would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
