im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
