Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
