I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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