dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
COCAINE IS GR8
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
