I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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