hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shame - the story of my life.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
