So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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