so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
