He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
