Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
